The end is finally in sight. What began on Halloween, gathered steam during Thanksgiving weekend and reached its zenith over Christmas is in the middle of its denouement. An uptick is to be expected over New Year’s, but the long, long journey will be over January 2.
I refer, of course, to the Eating Olympics.
From October 31 to January 2 each year, life becomes a festival of eating. A carnival of food and parties and alcohol (oh my!).
Everyone has their favorite events, like the Pie Pentathlon, where you endeavor to eat only one bite of each of the five pies that your mother has baked. (Bonus points awarded to those who have to eat more than one bite to appease an overly sensitive family member who thinks that if you only take one bite of the pumpkin pie they made from a tin of canned pumpkin that’s been sitting in their pantry since the Nixon administration you somehow don’t love them anymore.)
What if you don’t like pie? Well, then, you’re crazy and I don’t know if I want to know you. But never fear, Eating Olympics participant. There is always the Cross County Cookie Consumption, in which you are obligated to attend every cookie exchange within a three county radius, ensuring that you are not only chained to your oven 15 out of 24 hours a day baking dozens of each of twelve different varieties of cookies, but you are also the recipient of little bits of deliciousness from other folks’ kitchens, all of which need to be eaten because (a) it would be rude not to accept a gift of cookies, and (b) uh, cookies are delicious! Do I really need to explain this?
For those who prefer a more savory approach to their holidays, there is the ever popular Dip Diving, a deceptively simple game which tests one’s ability to precisely judge the correct amount of dip that should be applied to a chip to both ensure the most beneficial chip to dip ratio and avoid the dreaded double-dipping (grounds for immediate disqualification).
Alas, all of these fabulous food events can lead to membership on the Avoid the Gym-nastics team. Excuses are abundant in this season of office parties, open houses and children begging, “Please, Mom. Can we decorate Christmas cookies today?” (And let’s be honest, the inevitable family drama is going to lead even the most hardcore among us to eat an extra cookie or two.)
All of this leads to the final event – Wrestling (your jeans over your hips).
And so the holiday season leads to the season of resolutions. January 2 brings raw carrot snacks, Lean Cuisine sales and a new pair of yoga pants. Feel free to share your comments for resolution stick-to-it-iveness below!
But I still have a few days until then. I wonder if there’s any pie left.