If I were to take the time to count, I would probably estimate that I say the word “No” approximately 5,386 times a day. Just yesterday, the following nuggets of wisdom flew out of my mouth:

No, you can’t take a ride inside the dryer.

No, you can’t watch me poop.

No, you can’t eat a stick of butter.

No, you can’t pick your nose. Or your brother’s nose. Or my nose. Or the cat’s nose.

This may lead some to think that I say “No” too often. And that may be true when it comes to my children. I have certainly heard that it is better to say “Yes” to your child than to say “No” all the time, and that constantly hearing “No” from a parent will make a child’s self-esteem take a nose dive and lead to all sorts of horrible future scenarios, from a career as a serial killer to never moving out of my house (cue my horrified shudder at the idea of my kids, in their 40’s, still expecting me to do their laundry and heat up their Spaghetti-O’s).

But I like saying No. I like setting boundaries. I like to show my love for my children by denying them the things that will hurt them, or make them sick (really, you want to eat an entire stick of butter?), or turn them into little monsters who think they are entitled to whatever they want, whenever they want it simply because they have graced the face of this earth. Those will not be my children.

And yet, when it comes to saying No to anyone other than my offspring, I seem to have a bit of a problem. Every time I plan to say No, it somehow comes out as Yes.

Yes, I will be a room mother for my 3 year old’s preschool class.

Yes, I will be a room mother for my 5 year old’s kindergarten class.

Yes, I will be on the steering team for our local mothers group.

Yes, I will start a Daisy troop for my daughter’s kindergarten class.

Yes, I will host a Halloween party at my house for 48 of my children’s closest friends.

Yes, I will host an average of two playdates a week.

Yes, I will continue to work a full-time job, volunteer my lunch hours and personal days to the greater good, write my snarky thoughts in my blog, and try not to fall dead asleep before 9:00 at night so my husband doesn’t forget who I am.

And Yes, I will finish this entire bottle of wine by myself. (To be honest, I don’t really see this one as a problem.)

I’ve decided that I need someone to funnel all requests of my time through an independent third party, who can help me decide whether or not the request is something I can do, or something I’m just saying Yes to because I’m having a hard time saying No. And if I insist on saying Yes despite that fact, that someone can hit me over the head with my empty wine bottle until I learn my lesson.

They just need to make sure I’ve finished the bottle first.