In case you’ve been living in a cave, you probably know that Mother’s Day is this weekend. (And if you didn’t know, then get your virtual butt over to any one of the thousands of online flower/gift/chocolate sites and send something to your mother, you rotten kid!).

Hallmark and jewelry store commercials dominate the airwaves this time of year, with soft focus visions of cherubic elementary schoolers bringing their beloved mom burnt toast and undercooked eggs in bed, while the Dad in the perfectly-ironed PJ’s hides a box from Kay Jewelers behind his back. The Hallmark mom (who, by the way, has perfect hair and make-up and clearly hasn’t been roused from her blissful sleep by either the smoke alarm or children arguing over who gets to over-butter the toast) basks in her early morning wake-up call, and gives nary a thought to the disaster that her children have made of the kitchen or how big a dent the father has put in this month’s budget with his undoubtedly last minute trip to the jewelry store.

You just know how the rest of the day goes for the Hallmark mom, don’t you? She spends the day surrounded by her family, basking in their love and affection and savoring every single moment with them on her special day. Because, the commercials will have you believe, the best way – indeed, the only way – to spend Mother’s Day is with the people who made you a mother to begin with. Mother’s Day just isn’t Mother’s Day without your children.

Let me be clear here that I adore my children. Each year, I wear the macaroni necklaces they make me with pride and I look forward to the Mother’s Day presentations at school, even when my kids get up in front of all the other moms and tell them that I take lots of naps and drink all day long (to clarify – I haven’t had a nap in six years and I don’t drink all day long. I drink all night long. There is a difference.). Handmade cards and paper flowers are infinitely more special than anything you could buy in a store.

But you know what I really want for Mother’s Day? What would make the day perfect for me?

I want to be alone (if you don’t mind, please re-read the preceding sentence while imitating Greta Garbo – it makes it much more entertaining).

Yes, I love my children. Yes, I love my husband. Yes, I want to be spend time with them.

But, let’s be honest. I spend time with these kids every. freakin’. day. I’m feeding them, bathing them, taking them to and from school, running Daisy Scout meetings, hanging out on the playground, being their class parent, wiping their bums and getting them water at three in the morning.

Is it too much to ask for a day off?

Imagine, just for a moment, a whole day celebrating what we moms do every single day that doesn’t require us to do what we do every single day? A day of no cooking, no cleaning, no bum-wiping, no fight-mediation, no being responsible for another person.

A day where, for the first time since giving birth to our first child, we can do whatever we want? We could take a nap. Or get a pedicure. Or watch the 4 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy that we have DVR’d. Or simply not have to clean the kitchen after our little cherubs have made us breakfast and managed to smear jelly all over every flat surface in the room. Just for a moment, imagine the bliss. Are you imagining it? Because in my mind, the bliss is pretty freakin’ awesome.

I love these kids. There was a time I never thought I’d have them. But sometimes, I need to remember that I continue to exist without them.

What better way to do that than to kick them all out of the house on my big, special day? What better way to remember how lucky I am to be a mother than to have a day off from all the mothering?

And I promise, I’ll wear my macaroni necklace all day long.