I turn 44 years old tomorrow. The women in my family tend to live a very long time (both of my grandmothers lived into their 90’s), so chances are that I’m not quite halfway through my life, but I’m certainly within a few years of the halfway mark.

I was always very good at the book learning and if encouraged with ample amounts of alcohol, can still recite the dagger scene from Macbeth. But as much as I like the Bard and all his works, true knowledge comes from actually living. Day in and day out, with all the pain and joy that comes along with it. I probably couldn’t diagram a sentence or solve an algebraic word problem, but I’m infinitely wiser than I was in my youth. (NB: I said “wiser,” not wise. I’m not quite ready to claim that adjective. Maybe in another 44 years.)

Thanks to that accumulation of wisdom, these are ten things that I know to be true:

1. I am so much more than my body. My body is broken. Damaged. Mutilated. But I am none of those. Instead, I am love to my husband, comfort to my children, humor to my friends. Broken and damaged and mutilated as I may be on the outside, on the inside I am still me. Snarky, sarcastic, sensitive, loyal, lazy, Grumpy, Sleepy, Sneezy or Doc – I am more than what’s on the outside.

2. Marriage is a constantly evolving thing. You must make a conscious decision to love someone despite all those tiny, little habits that grate on every tiny, little nerve you have. And I like to think that we do that. But every marriage needs an ally. Ours is TIVO. Seriously, TIVO is the unsung hero of my marriage. We have no need to argue over what to watch. It is all right at our fingertips, there when we want it. So when my husband wants to watch yet another show on alien autopsies or Sasquatch sightings, he can do it when I’m otherwise occupied. And I am free to watch “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Friends” reruns without a running commentary from the other side of the couch. It’s all good.

3. When parking in a lot, if there is an opportunity to for a “pull through” space, take it. Seriously. Why wouldn’t you?

4. Friends come and go. Sometimes its hard to realize that someone who was once so important to you is no longer in your life. Maybe there was a fight. Maybe it was just growing apart. Sometimes you couldn’t care less. Sometimes you’re still bothered years later. But there are always new friendships to nurture and old friendships to treasure. Keep 1 or 2 really close friends throughout your life and you will be much richer for it.

5. You couldn’t pay me to date again.

6. Putting off doctor’s appointments is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done. I put off getting a mammogram for over three years. Instead of getting my baseline at 40, I didn’t go until 43. And they found a lump. And the lump was cancer. And the cancer was aggressive. And it took my breast. And if I had gone at 40, perhaps it would have been caught earlier. Of course, there is an equal chance that it would not have been found until I was 43. The truth is, I’ll never know and I’ll always wonder. But I won’t be putting off any more appointments.

7. No matter how many times I try, no matter what kind of effort I put in, I will never know how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop. I have neither the patience nor the inclination to wait to get to that chocolate-y goodness. I’ve learned to live with it.

8. Kids are worth it. They are exhausting and gross and sticky. They will suck everything you have out of you. They will run through your money like a mouse through cheese. They will hunt you down in your own home if they think that you are eating a Snickers bar and not sharing any of it with them. And given a chance to do it all again, I would. In a heartbeat.

9. Kids, as worth it as they are, need to learn to succeed and fail on their own. I refuse to do my kids’ homework. If they ask for help, I will of course oblige. But I will not do the work for them. They need to learn to succeed or fail on their own merit. Everyone always complains about kids getting participation trophies. Participation trophies don’t bother me. Kids coming into school with science experiments clearly done by their parents and screwing with the curve irks the hooey out of me.

10. “I’m Sorry,” “Thank You” and “I Love You” are the three most important phrases you can ever utter. Utter them often.