We survived. Our nerves may be shot, our dignity may be slightly bruised, our marriage may have been shaken, but the husband and I have survived another year of kid birthdays. My twins’ birthday is in June and my youngest’s birthday is in July. It’s like the birthday Olympics here for a month and a half out of every year. Cake and presents and parties and kids hopped up on sugar. Enough!

I’m sure the question was innocent enough. When we were in the car driving home from a fun-filled family weekend in Massachusetts (there really needs to be a sarcasm font, doesn’t there?), the husband turned to me and asked, “So what do you want for your birthday?” After shutting down the cries from the back of the minivan about the toys the kids wanted to get me (apparently, I’m in desperate need of a Lightening McQueen Leapster game, a giant Optimus Prime figure {it’s not a doll, Mom!}, and a real make-up set {that I could probably use}), the cake they wanted to get me (decorated in minions from “Despicable Me”) and the best menu choices at Chuck E. Cheese’s (are there menu choices? I think it’s just pizza, right?), I started thinking. My _1st birthday is in a few weeks. What do I want?

I think I’ve come up with a few ideas.

• I want a minivan that comes with privacy glass standard. You know, like the screens in limos or taxis? I’m pretty much a chauffeur for these kids anyway. If there was a soundproof screen between the driver’s seat and the hollering minions in the backseat, the benefits would be immeasurable. If I didn’t have to yell at anyone to be quiet, I could pay better attention to the road and be a safer driver. I wonder if my insurance premium would go down.

• I want my children to stay in bed past 5:45 in the morning. I am up to the challenge of 3 kids 5 and under. Really, I am. But only after a decent night’s sleep, which I can’t claim to have if the kids are up at the crack of dawn. Alternatively, I would settle for changing the orbit of the earth around the sun so the sun doesn’t come up until the Today show starts. Anything to keep them in bed until at least 7:00.

• I have often fantasized about a switch hidden somewhere on my children’s bodies that will get then to do any number of things – clean their rooms, poop on the potty, eat their broccoli. I would really love to get a switch like that installed in each kid. I’m willing to pay. In cash.

• I’ve thought long and hard about this one, and I really want a wife. Not in a bigamist, Discovery-channel-special kind of way. But think about it. Wouldn’t it be great to have someone make your doctor’s appointments, do the grocery shopping, make sure you have clean clothes in the morning, take the car in for an oil change, pick up your prescriptions, ensure that TIVO records Grey’s Anatomy, tells you to rest when you’re sick, and reminds you to buy a birthday present for your mother? My husband is a great guy, but these are generally not things that are in his job description. A wife would take care of everything! Why should husbands get all the fun?

I realize that these things probably aren’t going to happen, but a girl can dream, even if she is going to be _1 in a few weeks. And if I can’t get the privacy screen, kids to sleep in, the “do what I say” switch or the wife, at least I can get a minion-decorated cake.

But I draw the line at Chuck E. Cheese.