Being a mom means:

* Sometimes you walk into your living room to find that it has been toilet-papered like a tree at Halloween.

* You end up taking your kid to the urgent care at 8:00 on Saturday night because you can’t be sure whether or not he swallowed a piece of Lego.

* At least once a day, you will touch something sticky. It may be a kid, it may be a kitchen counter – doesn’t matter, as long as it’s sticky.

* You will never have enough clean socks or string cheese in the house.

* Sleeping in until 7:30 am feels luxurious and somewhat decadent.

* One day you will find yourself in line in a crowded restroom with your preschooler and they will loudly ask, in front of that crowd, whether you need to poop. They will not accept “be quiet” as an answer.

* You may one day find your 60” LCD television covered in purple crayon. That same day, all of your children will find themselves in bed for the night at 6:00 pm.

* Looking at your children most days and thinking, “Damn, they’re cute.” It also means that there will be some days where you look at your children and think, “Damn, they’re lucky they’re cute.”

* Telling someone to stop picking your nose. That’s right – your nose, not their own nose.

* The mere thought of taking 3 kids to Stride-Rite for school shoes will make you break out in hives

* You sing along with Laurie Berkner. In your minivan. Loudly. Without shame. Even when there are no kids in the car.

*  You’ll pay a babysitter $12 an hour just so you can go grocery shopping by yourself.

*  The amount of “wine” you drink is in direct proportion to the amount of “whine” in your house.

* You will know the theme song to every show on Nick Jr. You will get only the most annoying ones stuck in your head for days on end.

* Someone will always want to sit on your lap, but never so much as when you’re wearing something white and they’ve just eaten chocolate.