The male mind is an extraordinary thing. Despite years of evolution and progress, there still exists a strong “hunter” instinct. The urge to defend what is yours. It’s what drives men to provide for their families, protect their homes and chant “not in our house” during their home team’s goal-line stand.
It is, apparently, what also drives my 2 boys to defend their Lego creations with enough force to draw blood.
It never ceases to amaze me what my boys can turn into weaponry.
The shade umbrella that came with the sand table? Hidden in the garage after the 5 year old used it to try to remove the 3 year old’s spleen after the 3 year old had the audacity to lay a pinky on the 5 year old’s Iron Man mask.
The toy golf clubs my dad bought them, hoping to turn them into the next Tiger Woods? Banished to the closet when they started beating each other over the heads with them in a cage match duel over who was entitled to the green base Lego piece. (Based on reports that Tiger’s wife beat his car with a golf club when she found out he was cheating, perhaps this behavior isn’t limited to boys.)
The jump ropes that came in one of the multitude of goodie bags they’ve received this year? Thrown in the garbage after the 3 year old tried to use it as a choke collar on the 5 year old after the 5 year old dared to look at one of the 18 Lightning McQueen cars that the 3 year old is currently obsessed with.
I have removed anything in the shape of a stick, gun, or sword from my house, and yet, they still manage to turn the most innocuous items into WMD. Play-Doh is easily turned into bullets, cars are palm-sized projectiles and meatballs are delicious little hand grenades.
I am constantly on alert for the next offensive in the battle of 3 year old versus 5 year old. Don’t assume that the 3 year old is automatically at a disadvantage; he may be younger, but he’s wily. And built like a lineman. (I’ve already taught him how to wave and mouth, “Hi, Mom” to the camera for his inevitable Monday Night Football debut.) The 5 year old is skinny, but agile and quick. They’re pretty evenly matched.
And I am outmatched.
I was awakened the other morning just after dawn to the sound of the 3 year old screaming, “he hit me” and the 5 year old yelling, “I didn’t do anything.” (I really need to invest in ear plugs). I came into the kitchen to find the 3 year old with a bleeding scratch on his face, and the two of them standing at 10 paces, pretzel rods held like fencing swords. Did you know that a broken pretzel rod is sharp enough to draw blood? Well, you do now.
I know boys will be boys. I know that beating each other silly is a fundamental part of being brothers. And I know that this is just a phase, like most parenting crises, and when the day comes that they no longer feel the need to attack one another over whether we watch “Despicable Me” for the 118th time or “MegaMind” for the 129th time, I will raise a glass of wine to my accomplishment, namely, getting them through childhood alive and with as few scars as possible.
Until then, Constant Vigilance!
We don’t do toy guns in my house. We don’t have any, the boys have never asked for them, we’ve never talked about them (we don’t even have water guns – just because we don’t, not because they’re banned). However, my 4 YO can take a stick out of the yard and run around saying “pew, pew pew”! I don’t get it. He watched values based Qubo all day, where does he get it!!??! SMH!! At least when I ask him what he’s doing, he says, “I’m going to pew you!” Then I ask him what I’m supposed to do after he “pews” me, and he doesn’t know. At least he doesn’t realize what guns do.
Always funny and very true!! Love your blog…now I’ll tell all my friends about it.
Charm
Having 6 boys of my own, this is a hilarious but true to life post! I knew boys were different, when my first son at age 3 ate his peanut butter sandwich into the shape of a gun and shot me with it…
so funny, my 2 yo takes the train track arched pieces and forms the shape of a gun and also shots me!!
Hang in there mama… More years ago than I care to count, my 2 boys who are 3 years apart, took pride in seeing who could collect, or inflict, the most scars, stitches and ER visits. After a while, we knew the ER staff by name and was amazed that DYFS was never called. Today I’m proud to report that at 21 and 25, one is an NCAA Linebacker with a 4.0 gpa and the other is now a Sgt with the United States Marine Corps, serving his country proudly on his 2nd deployment in Afghanistan. They are each others biggest fan and supporter and look forward to being reunited with a brotherly hug and a cold beer. It will get better!! Until then, enjoy the wine 🙂
Well, at 8 and 9 my boys are still battling over, well -everything. I’ve heard them have an argument over anything from who gets the “big” couch to what the word “pumpernickel” means. The worst thing my husband ever did was teach them the phrase “squatter’s rights”. That phrase has caused more tears and more fists to fly than I care to count. But I live for the rare moments when they come to each other’s aid and defend each other, “you can’t punish him, you’re being mean”. I love that!! Hopefully as they get older the gaps between the kind moments will become shorter and shorter.
This post made me laugh out loud. I have three boys ages 7, 4, and 2. At our house everything becomes a light saber as they are all fans of Star Wars. Thank goodness two of the boys are enrolled in Karate so they have a chance to release some energy. I believe my youngest is going to be the toughest one since he is the one they pick on.
I wish my fiance would learn from your boys! Haha. He might defend me but he’s defensive about everything. (How do you reprogram a man?)
I hope we have a boy but I won’t find out for another 7 weeks.
Cute article! 🙂 I guess legos are worth fighting for, to a kid haha
I nominated you for a reward! Check it out here:
http://thedailyfolly.us/?p=223
We learn something new every day haha I didn’t know pretzel sticks could be so dangerous =)
Main experience I have with 3 boys is my nephews almost every summer they would come with my parents to visit. By the end of their visit my daughter would be many toys shorter as they were broken. So we learned finally took awhile haha But we learned to pack up what she didn’t want broken and put them away during their visits……
Stopping by from voiceBoks Members to Remember =)
Having 4 boys and 2 girls (yeah, they’re in on it, too) who are ages 6 to 20, it isn’t a stage that has passed yet. But I’m feeling hopeful after reading some of the comments here lol. Hang in there – you’re not alone!!
Christina
Spilled Milkshake
Visiting from voiceBoks Members to Remember!
Hilarious! and key information seeing my boys are currently 11mths and 2yrs… I’m afraid, very afraid….
Nicole x
http://www.myidealife.com.au
I came across your website on the SITS Forum Thread ‘Let the Following Begin’.
I am now following you.
Do visit my blog too and follow it.
Keep the ‘Sistahood’ alive!
Love,
Alia’
http://aliascreativelife.blogspot.com/
Oh boy… your hands are full! They do turn anything (even toy building blocks) into swords. I have a lot to look forward to with a 9-month old baby boy.
Great blog you have! Love the humor stories. Thanks for sharing!
Ok, I have to laugh. I don’t have boys, but I’m the only girl among 5 brothers. I have two daughters, age 2 and 6. I can’t tell you how many toys I’ve taken away because they turned them into weapons to use on each other. Just like little boys. 🙂
Visiting from voiceboks.
Blessings,
Rosann
http://www.christiansupermom.com/